It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
