You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
