I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
