I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
