upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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