Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
