the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
