Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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