evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
