This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
