Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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