I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
