I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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