dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
