He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
