did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
