I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
