I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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