I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Girls should come with a carfax report
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
