too bad you live with your parents still
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
