So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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