Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
