I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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