I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize