We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
