I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize