I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
