So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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