Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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