I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
