Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
