The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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