i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize