Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
