TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
