Michael Bay diarrhea
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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