just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
