she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
His hands were made for my vagina.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
