can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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