Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
