Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
