i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
