I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
