At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Farmville is her only friend.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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