My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
