Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
