For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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