it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
