I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
