I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
