we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
