nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
