I can text with my tongue
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
