Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
