Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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