Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Everyone says I win the strip club
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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