How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
