Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.

Fav 8 6517 1132
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(706): View more from Georgia

So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.

Fav 26 1607 7402
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(313): View more from Michigan

Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?

Fav 4 2607 1263
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(419): View more from Ohio

Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again

Fav 17 1060 2451
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(+33): View more from France

So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?

Fav 14 3514 811
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(785): View more from Kansas

Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.

Fav 6 1137 467
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(214): View more from Texas

As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?

Fav 4 1041 561
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(516): View more from New York

look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?

Fav 3 46 49
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.

Fav 0 14 41
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