Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
