why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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