It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
