My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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