wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
