Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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