Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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