how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
How naked do you want me to be?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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