what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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