OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize