love makes seman taste better
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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