oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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