It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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